i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
