When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
