This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
