So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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