His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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