Well douche your snatch and let's go!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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