Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
