Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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