I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize