Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
