I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
