nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
