Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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