apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
