im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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