she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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