K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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