your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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