direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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