Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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