I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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