Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
