the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
