I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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