He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
