those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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