all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
