Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
