My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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