I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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