I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
