it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please come you make the beer taste better
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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