I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
