my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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