Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found puke in my bra..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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