Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
And then he peed in my hair
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
