I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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