she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
