its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize