conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
