I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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