ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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