What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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