i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize