I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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