this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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