if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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