Only a mothe r could love this liver
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
