i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
