i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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