Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
