yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize