Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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