he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
