I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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