I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
