I met the friendliest cop last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
