I want to walk on stilts...naked
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
