How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
BRING THE BAGELS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
