It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
