If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
