Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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