If i come over, it means nothing
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
